Final Thoughts
by Mike N
Summary: A short story detailing some of the thoughts going through Jean Grey's mind in her final moments of X2.
1. Final Thoughts

The adventure of life has taught me to expect the unexpected twists and turns. It also taught me that things can change ever so drastically that can completely alter one's path. And that's exactly what happened to me—the direction of my life that I decided upon very early in my life came to a screeching halt and nothing has been simple since.

At the age of ten, I thought I was going to grow up to be a model. Everyone marveled at my unbelievably red hair and emerald eyes. Combined with a fair and flawless complexion, I somehow fell into the beautiful category, even at that age. Of course, it didn't go to my head and honestly, I really didn't get the full implications of what that meant, but like any other adolescent, I enjoyed being showered with compliments practically everywhere I went! And my parents embraced my dream, sending me to acting school and allowing me to participate in small modeling jobs, all while making straight A's in school. Talk about the perfect child!

Until I found out I was a mutant.

And it was the death of my best friend, Annie Malcolm, that plunged me into the world of mutantdom. From what I was told by Professor Xavier, I was a rare type, a dual-psionic. I possessed _telepathic_ abilities, and I could move objects by just thinking about it. _Telekinesis_, he called it. It took me a few tries to get the terminology right, but even back then, I understood and accepted my condition, long before it was cool to be a mutant. As he explained much later, my powers were quite developed and potentially dangerous because I didn't know my limits. Or maybe it was because he couldn't analyze my limits.

Oh, I almost forgot to talk about Professor Xavier.

At the onset of my powers, my parents didn't know how to handle it. Mostly, my telekinesis would manifest itself as random, unfocused occurrences. Moved furniture, broken dishes, you know—poltergeist-type happenings. My father, being connected as a medical doctor, had plenty of contacts. Ultimately, he was referred to Professor Charles Xavier, a physician known for dealing with unique..._issues_. He wanted the Professor to figure out what was _wrong_ with me. Just last week, I was the perfect daughter—now, something was _wrong_.

But Professor Xavier had a secret himself. He too could communicate telepathically and was familiar with the abilities I possessed. It was soon after our meeting that I became a student at the Xavier School for Gifted Youngsters.

It was there that I traded my visions of runway modeling for adventuresome battles in the Danger Room. Photoshoots for mission planning. Television ads for instructing a new generation of mutants. Living a public superhero life or dying an untimely martyr's death.

I guess life decided the latter for me. Yes, I only have a few minutes left to live. I'm going to die, there's no question about that. The dam broke, and to save my teammates—no, my friends and family—I left the Blackbird and attempted a feat that I would have thought totally impossible before now. A sea of water flows around us, held at bay by my willpower only, my _telekinesis_. Scott was right, a few months ago, I struggled to keep a textbook aloft, and now, I can hold back this deluge, but it's not easy by any means. And I don't think I can hold it back for much longer. My head is pounding inside of my skull, and the rushing water wants nothing more than to fill this space, unmindful of any small people that might be in the way. I can help the others escape, but for me—well, something is telling me that this is how it's supposed to be. I've accepted it. But it will take the others some time.

I can feel their pain. Every last one. The good and bad thing about _telepathy_ is that it's never turned off. I've learned to control and block out random thoughts, but right now, the control I learned is out the window.

The children, they're losing one of their favorite teachers. I've heard them talk and watched them in class. They're young and impressionable—they always appreciated and respected me as a teacher. And now, they have to witness my death. They don't deserve that, not yet. I wish I could shield it from them somehow, but maybe it is for the better. Through the pain of loss, they will learn how to live. Even on the brink of death, I can't help being a teacher.

Ororo, she's like a sister to me. She's always been there through the thick and the thin. Does she deserve an explanation? Yes. But can I give it to her? No. I can't fully articulate what's happening—all I know is that this is the right and only thing to do.

Logan, he's quite the man. Wild and dangerous—someone I'm supposed to stay away from. But there's just something about him, an attraction that I can't refuse or deny. Animal instinct maybe. But it's more than just lust, he would kill for me and die for me. I've never seen that kind of resolve in a man before, not even from Scott. It's intriguing and intense, but also frightening. I can feel him...if he could take my place, he would in a heartbeat, no questions asked. But I would never let him do that. He's a fighter, and that's what I want to be, a fighter.

Professor Xavier, I know that he's keeping himself psychically connected to me. I could break the connection, but I won't. I owe it to him to give him my last moments. He's been like a father to me, ever since I first came under his care. He's watched me grow into what I am now. I hope that I've made him proud. In my own way, I'm going to make sure I keep his dream alive.

Scott, there are no words to express how I feel right now. Even when I made my decision to step out of the Blackbird, you were at the forefront of my mind. I pray that someday, you can understand why I chose this path…why I chose to sacrifice myself. The love that we shared was the purest and most sincere. I wouldn't change that for the world. It's something I'm going to hold within my heart forever, even through death. If nothing else, my love for you will always see me through.

I feel the power surging through me, something ancient, something beyond understanding. This power has chosen me, for whatever reason, which is allowing me to save the ones I love. I wish I could use it to save myself, but then again, this is what I've chosen. I'll accept my fate, and I'll find a way back to all of you.

Life has a funny way of throwing unexpected twists and turns in my path, but somehow, I've stayed on my path, and I'll continue to do so—through life and death.


	2. Alone

Darkness.

It's dark. And cold.

I can't feel anything. I don't even know if my body even still exists. Hell, I don't even know if I'm actually still alive. Maybe this is what happens after death—a lonely void filled with nothing but your own thoughts. But that can't be right. There's something far away that lets me know that I'm alive. Somewhat.

I somehow intuitively understand that my body was broken beyond repair when the water crashed down on me. I don't know what happened next, but I'm laying horizontally, floating in a small space created only by my thoughts, a telekinetic bubble. But it's so much more than that. This ancient power augments it—it's more like a healing forcefield, slowly reconstructing my body.

Time has ceased to matter. I don't know how long I've been here. Or whether it's day or night; raining, snowing, or sunny—regardless, it's all the same for me. Damp. Dark. Cold.

My telepathy hasn't faltered though. I can still hear voices, stray thoughts that somehow find their way down to my mind. Fleeting thoughts of a family fishing, kids swimming, adults enjoying their time alone. But I can never talk back, never call out to them. All I can do is lay here in my prison of sorts and listen to the world pass me by.

The only thing I have here is this power...the ancient, unbridled power that helped me save my friends...no, my family, and Scott. But what exactly is it? I still haven't been able to figure it out. It continues to elude me. All I can feel is burning intensity...passion and power. Something eternal and hungry. It's here, but then again, I feel that it's elsewhere, executing some primal desire to live and be free. But maybe I'm imagining things, which is easy to do these days.

I imagine that soon, my body will be healed. And after that, I will find my family again.

Oh, the children, they will be glad to have their teacher back. All of the smiling faces: Kitty, Jubilee, Monet, Rusty, and Theresa.

Ororo, I'll be back to take long walks and talk about things that sisters talk about.

Logan, I'll be there to tame the wild side of you as we continue on our endeavor to understand each other.

Rogue, I didn't get the chance to talk with you as much as I would've liked, but that will change.

Bobby, somehow, I know you're growing up fast, fighting alongside of your new family for what's right.

Kurt, you were quite the mysterious one, but sincere and kind. Soon, we'll break through the barriers in your mind and help you find yourself.

Professor Xavier, my second father, I'm so sorry. Soon though, you'll see my sacrifice was not in vain.

Just wait, X-Men, I'll be home soon. Scott, will you be there with open arms?


End file.
